Initiation is Hardest
by Kirlial
Summary: Kazuto's become distant with Asuna. It's a hard reality to face but harder is becoming closer to the girl he really likes. Meanwhile a mysterious stranger invites him to some sort of private server. One-shot. Kirito/Sinon sort of.


**Hey there, very mixed feelings about this so I'm not really sure why I posted it. It seems like a mixture of several ideas I had combined into one short story. Obviously they're not going to be explored in incredible detail here but I'm keeping this as a one-shot. My first attempt at writing Sinon so hope she sounds in character. This takes place shortly after GGO I guess.**

* * *

><p>Kazuto shuddered, not able to look at his... Asuna. She seemed to truly care for him and every day it felt like he deserved it less. She was happy spending time with him, maybe still under the illusion that they really were the perfect couple.<p>

Even thinking that word brought to mind a very different girl, Shino. She was a lot of fun and was becoming brighter and more upbeat every time he saw her though she was still healing. In real life, she seemed so uncertain and yet brave and kind underneath it. Why did the thought of her bring a smile to his lips in a way that Asuna couldn't?

He forced himself to look at Asuna again. She was beautiful, right? And nice, and patient, and confident and perceptive. Why was he feeling so distant with her, even as she walked right next to him? And why was she saying nothing about it, like she could not feel the impossible-to-bridge abyss between them? It was like she still absolutely trusted him.

"Kirito?" Asuna was giving him a concerned look. Maybe she did see something wrong with him?

He paused and she did too. They had been out shopping together (mostly to enjoy each other's company, in theory) so they probably looked strange just standing, not going anywhere. Inwardly, he wished she would call him by his real name but she knew him as Kirito like he knew her as Asuna.

"You ready to talk?" He said quietly, preparing himself for her finally delivering some just punishment for his treatment of her.

Asuna looked troubled by his words, almost angry. "Talk? What do you think we need to talk about?" She snapped. Definitely a little angry then. Her voice softened, "you've been so distant, you know?"

He struggled to meet her eyes, but persevered, he owed that and so much more. "I'm so sorry," he murmured, wishing he could sound more sincere for he meant it.

She seized his hand, almost desperately. "What are you saying? You've been so sad recently and so quiet!"

Amazing how her words felt most painful when she was trying to be kind and considerate. He didn't shy away from her grip. "I'm sorry," he repeated, for all the good it would do.

She adopted a steely-eyed expression, somehow restoring her composure. "Just speak to me, talk to me," she requested so firmly it sounded almost like a command.

There was no use trying to hide. "Shino. Only Shino."

Only Shino didn't begin to touch on how incredible the girl really was. She scared half the people in her school with her past and the far too detailed knowledge of how a gun is fired and had learned to brush it off for she had this cool, unaffected facade. She was smart and in control most of the time. But what had really endeared him to her was behind the mask of ice where she was shy and fragile, she had opened up to him and he appreciated the gesture.

Asuna was crumbling in front of him. His hand was being furiously crushed by hers and she was leaning forward and looking down down, a strange way to hide her face. Why did she have to care so much? It was hurting her.

Suddenly, his hand was released and he was bracing himself for the worst. She furiously pushed passed him, recklessly charging past him and he made no action to atop her. He couldn't help but notice her eyes were red and shining with tears.

Kazuto slowly turned around, seeing her retreating figure hurrying away, heedless of the people around. She hadn't attacked him or anything even though she so clearly had the right. He could only hope that he wasn't making a mistake.

* * *

><p>Kirito was in Aincrad, partying alone with Sinon. He had arranged this in the hopes of maybe confessing now that He had broken ties with his old love. But in the heat of the moment it was far easier to have fun with the cheerful girl and not let things get too serious. It was so easy to forget about all his other problems when he was with her.<p>

He ran about, distracting monsters so she could find opportunities to fire arrows at them and together they took down a hoard of monsters, after some time coming up with more creative ways if accomplishing that. The spider monsters weren't too quick so laying traps and dropping rocks on them was generally quite successful. Games like this weren't stressful at all.

Still, in the back of his mind were the words he wanted to say to her. Well, maybe half the words in the wrong order but he had to say something to her. What if she didn't return his feelings though? Their current relationship was fun even if he did want to develop it more. She was still a mystery in many ways.

Soon enough, a distraction came before he could get the courage to say anything. A red-haired salamander women in matching red and black armour was approaching them. Alone.

Sinon revealed herself from behind some bushes, where she'd been concealing herself, waiting for more spiders to spawn but welcomed the guest. Kirito let his sword drop to his side. Solo players were far more common in non-death games but it was still fairly strange to see one.

"Kirito, Sinon," the woman read each of their player names. "Have you too used those names in other games?" There was an odd tone to her voice.

He shared a glance with Sinon (he liked these glances). She was the one to reply. "Do you perhaps recognise us from Gun Gale Online?" She asked politely, though with a touch of caution.

The woman smiled. "Then you are the players I've heard about. I was wondering if you could visit this private server we've created, I'd really appreciate your support," she explained.

That was a strange request. He'd never really thought about his own notoriety since SAO had ended but maybe he was becoming a distinguished player after all. The request itself was rather intriguing.

"Did you come all the way out here just to talk to us?" Sinon asked, giving the woman a suspicious look.

She nodded. "You two weren't that hard to reach honestly, are you interested?"

"I am," Kirito had to admit, even as Simon shot him a sharp look; she distrusted strangers more than him.

She smiled and gave them an address and a password for the server. She instructed them to come immediately before leaving herself, presumably heading for the nearest safe spot.

They were alone again. Kirito gave Sinon a meaningful look. "Fine!" She sighed, eyes now revealing that she was interested in going along to the server thing too. He smiled as they headed off together.

* * *

><p>For mere minutes Kazuto was back in the real world, and he took the opportunity to stretch his muscles and grab a glass of water, really his body didn't like the strain of him being in a virtual reality. Feeling more refreshed, he approached his amusphere.<p>

Still curious as to what sort of game he was being invited to, along with Shino, he tapped in the codes he'd been given and put on the amusphere again.

"Link start!"

As soon as his senses had adjusted, he opened his now virtual eyes and looked around. There was nothing to see, just dark grey from every angle, even the floor which he could feel himself standing on was absolutely featureless. It was weird, being in such an empty environment.

Unsurprisingly given the lack of anything else, Kirito soon noticed the real girl that had been standing directly behind him, not they there was any reference points once he faced her. She had long red hair and a rather fair face though missing some detail he usually expected in these virtual realities. She wore red and black clothing which complemented her complexion and even made her feel a bit menacing.

She walked towards him, a strange smile on her face, expression hard to read -maybe it was the bad graphics rendering her face making it impossible to comprehend? But then the situation was odd too as there was no game for him to try out as expected. So why was he and Sinon invited here? She was close now, and her face looked oddly familiar.

Before he could come to any conclusion though, Sinon (resembling her real-life appearance though not in great detail) materialised next to him. "Hey," he murmured, reaching out to grab her hand.

She blinked, momentarily disoriented , before looking around. She gave him her shy smile and accepted his offered hand before focussing on the girl. He did the same.

"Thank you for coming," she began and her voice was very familiar. "I can tell you don't remember me, Kirito, but I haven't forgotten you."

Kirito's eyes widened. Her slow, sweet voice, her long red hair and even her lanky build gave her away. It had to be Rosalia, the leader of the red guild Titan's Hand and an SAO survivor. She was dangerous and they had to get away from her.

"Something wrong?" Sinon whispered, shifting closer to him as she felt the change in him.

"We need to get out-" he began.

"I mean you no harm but please here me out?" Rosalia requested a touch of desperation in her voice, holding her empty hands out in front of her in a gesture of peace.

Kirito didn't like the situation one bit, but waited, crossing his arms to show his lack of patience. If it got bad then he'd just log out. Sinon seemed content to observe until she understood the situation. Rosalia gave a wide smile in response.

"I am extremely grateful to you for clearing the death game - and I know it was you," she said, her words sounding surprisingly sincere. "And you both helped to stop some of Laughing Coffin in GGO?" She added uncertainly.

A glance at Sinon showed she was frowning. "Wait you invited us here just because you were grateful?" She asked sceptically.

"It's more complicated than that, you see I was part of a gang of Player Killers in SAO and well... it's important to me that other player killers be stopped now because I think they are despicable!" Rosalia confessed, looking strangely determined.

"How are you any different to them then?" Kirito demanded, unnerved by her attitude.

"That's my point, in SAO I was just denying reality pretending it was all just a game to make it easier... and they just enjoy killing," she explained, now looking miserable.

He didn't know how to respond to that. He could recall her being downright cruel to Silica but now she did look remorseful.

"You know it's bad to hide yourself in games, you should play hard but play as yourself you know? Or you'll become two different people, one you like and one you despise," Sinon spoke, maybe harshly but thoughtfully.

Kirito looked at Sinon, wondering how this was affecting her for her face was hard to read. She seemed to empathise with Rosalia somewhat and that made him worry a little. If Sinon had been in SAO would she in fact be like Rosalia and play a role? Would they have ended up as enemies if she denied reality like he was sure she was capable of?

"Yes. Once in prison I had a lot of time to think about myself and eventually I began to regret it all. I'm grateful you left me in prison," Rosalia responded contemplatively.

"I didn't do it for you," he muttered.

"Still, thanks. Would either of you be interested in designing a virtual reality by the way? I was thinking it'd be a way of showing gratitude," she said, gesturing to the emptiness around them.

Kirito's eyes widened, in the distant future he had always envisioned himself making games so the offer was really appealing. It would certainly be a change and he had a lot of ideas. Still it sounded hard too.

"Isn't making games really hard and technical?" Sinon asked warily though there was definitely a hint of interest too.

"Actually a lot of the software became readily available for free a few months after SAO ended so anyone can attempt their own little server. If it's not too big then it's not too expensive to run," she answered.

"But it doesn't really need to be a game, you know? It can just be your personal world where you can create anything," she added, her eyes shining with ideas.

* * *

><p>A few days later they were getting used to programming in simple functions. Making things took effort but it was a load of fun somehow. None of Rosalia's friends were on so it was just him and Sinon. He was treasuring the alone time with her too much to tell any of his other friends about their big project. Talking to Asuna about it was a genuinely scary idea, and maybe she didn't want anything to do with him.<p>

There was now a Sun and clouds overhead, casting light on them though they had not yet been programmed to move, nor had shadows been introduced and someone had had the stupid idea of making the sky purple. Because simulating grass was harder, the ground was currently made out of carpet and was flat in all directions but it was better than nothing.

They'd also made six small houses, one for each person who was helping make the world and they all had about the same layout though they'd been given permission to decorate theirs however they liked. The bed and the table was plenty for the moment for him, and he sat with Sinon at the table in his house. His focus was improving the avatars, making them more life-like - later he wanted to design his to fly and run super-fast.

"I made an apple pie," Sinon showed him suddenly. As she said this, one did indeed materialise in front of her.

"You're working on food?" Kirito asked, surprised and slightly wary. It was like cooking, which made him think of Asuna.

She nodded, looking perturbed by his less-than-warm reaction. "Is something wrong with that? I thought it would be a cool goal."

He tried to give her an encouraging smile but it fell flat somehow. "Did I tell you I broke up with Asuna?"

"What? I thought you two really cared about each other?" Her voice was unreadable, as was her face.

"Not as much as I like you," he replied softly. A very subdued confession, he had envisioned it being grander but this felt natural.

Sinon froze. "You like me?" She repeated slowly.

"Yeah. I just couldn't stay with Asuna once I realised what my feelings were," he said, embarrassed but not looking away from her.

She was silent for a while, staring into space. "I was always so afraid of being close to people, you know? But I'm getting over that fear..." she broke off, unable to continue.

"I can be patient, if you're healing then I'll be here to give you support, okay?" He tried to reassure, to be kind, to show that he cared. It was hard to tell how much her past affected her most of the time as she tried to hide it but he wasn't really surprised that she wasn't completely ready.

"Thanks." Her single-word reply sounded sincere. Maybe it was a small thing but she leaned forward and gave him a light kiss on the cheek. He felt his face heat up and couldn't help but grin, she was surprisingly sweet and he would be happy wait for her.

"However, I'm not sure I'm any good for you, it's like my heart is numb and I'm like a robot. I don't want to disappoint you," she confessed, ruining the moment.

He wasn't sure quite how to respond to her worries either, he'd broken up with Asuna once he'd realised he couldn't love her back. Maybe Sinon was the same. Still, he had said he would be patient and she hadn't given him an outright rejection. With a flash of inspiration he grabbed the pie she'd crafted and took a bite out of it. It had a creamy texture and was distinctly apple=flavoured even if it didn't really taste like a pie. It certainly wasn't a bad attempt though.

"A robot wouldn't be able to make something nearly as good, you know? Either way I'll be here alright?" He said, trying to lighten the mood a little.

She smiled, relaxing into her chair. "Well, I guess I'm here as your friend at the very least. No doubt you'll be broken up because of Asuna," Sinon returned the sentiment. It felt like they had made some sort of promise to each other. An important one.

* * *

><p><strong>Yeah the plot seems random given that it's a mish-mash of ideas. I'm afraid you'll have to infer that some time after this takes place Shino would start to reciprocate his feelings and they end up in a happy relationship. That's the ending I like to imagine anyway, I'm not much good at shipping so I've only manage to heavily imply a relationship. They're certainly a nice pair but there's a lot of hurdles to get over with Shino being really hesitant even scared with relationships and Kazuto's attachment to Asuna - hope the breaking apart seemed okay too.<strong>

** Hope you somewhat enjoyed it I guess and feel free to review. **


End file.
